Miracle Myra is FOUR!

This is sort of an odd day for me.  Myra seems like she's been around forever, yet I can't wrap my mind around calling her four.  She is, in fact, a large four year old.  So, that I can assure you!  Carrying her 34lb- 40inch self is getting harder and harder for any period of time.  I loved carrying her in my sling or wrap.  I just cannot do it anymore.  So, in that way she very much feels like four.

But, I simply cannot believe her birth was a whole four years ago.  I remember that day so clearly.  It is probably the worse day I've ever experienced, yet that experience has changed the course of my life forever.  In many ways I wish I could take it back and change it.  In many ways I wouldn't dare, for the person I was fours years ago on September 23, 2009 is no longer living.  I sort of had a birth of my own on her birthday four years ago.

(If you don't know her birth story you can read it HERE.  Her step by step story is typed below her photo in the right column but you can also read more about her MRI results HERE and her diagnosis HERE and my perspective HERE and HERE.)

I'm almost as a loss of words today.  It's very hard to describe my feelings.  I honestly never thought we would be where we are four years later.  I truly believed Myra would be running around with her siblings and chatting up a storm by now.  Don't get me wrong, we celebrate each and every accomplishment - ask my Facebook friends!  And I've learned well that milestone lists are not what is important in life.  I've seen compassion for people who are different grow in my children, and that has been amazing.  I look at each and every child around me with a sense of wonder.  Their abilities amaze me, their speech, their laugh, their toddle as they learn to walk, their big noggins.  I see things through different eyes.  This I like.  I'm more appreciative.  More observant.  More in awe of God and His creation. 

And I feel like I can actually see through Myra, to her heart.  Through the cries, through the screams, through the protests during therapy.  She's a super sweet personality.  Very laid back, in fact.  She loves to observe, but if you involve her in something, she lights up.  She loves people, loves listening to them talk and interact.  She loves music- Celtic, country, lullabies, guitar, banjo, men's voices, bells.  Most people either see her crying or staring off into space.  But, she's listening.  She's interacting every way she knows how.  She may not react when you say 'HI', but if you just stayed a moment longer, often a smile will erupt just as you walk away.  Her reactions are delayed, but they are there.  She loves when kids play with her, play with her toys, touch her hands and face.  Many kids at church or on outings come up and ask about her hearing aids while touching her ear or start playing with her toy.  Most parents shoo them away, but she loves that.  They don't understand it's the only interaction with other children that she gets besides her siblings.  I can see her light up when her 3-year-old cousin comes to say 'HI' as she starts playing with her toys, touching her hands and talking to her.

Myra is the best cuddle bug.  She curls up in her dad's arms, my lap or envelops one of her siblings completely as they try to manipulate her as she's gotten so big.  She loves to listen to our heartbeats and is content for so long with that.  She feels safe.  Her vision isn't great, so when she goes for periods of time in her wheelchair or on the floor and she isn't hearing constant chatter, because the kids are outside or I'm cooking in the kitchen, she cries because she's lonely.  She is a people person.  I wish you could all know her like I do...

The fact that Myra isn't mobile or verbal stinks.  Truly.  But, the biggest heartache isn't that I can't mark it off a chart to say that she did it, but that she cannot express herself like the rest of us.  She's in there and can't tell us all she's thinking and feeling.  She's trapped in a body that doesn't do what it should.  When she's crying and we can't figure out why, I'm just heartbroken.  That is the biggest thing to swallow.  That no one else knows her like I do, and I don't even know her like God does.

But, can't you see her spunk?  :)

Our pastor shared a vision with us when she was only hours old.  He said she was around the age of three and was dancing at the alter with dark, curly hair and everyone could see the glory of God on her.  I have chosen to believe this vision wholeheartedly and have tried hard to not to put God in a box.  I'd like to think that this means she is healed completely of every single disability, but I know that that may not be true.  But, I am still waiting.  Despite the fact that she's now four, I'm still going to wait.  God is not one to break His promises.  But, I think of the possibilities if she is healed completely- the people I would tell, the story she would have, the vast number of people that would witness God's healing hand and how many people this could affect in their walk with God.  The truth is, she IS a miracle!  We HAVE seen God heal her in so many ways already.  I HAVE told many people and she IS affecting people's lives, just as she is.  So, all I can say is, even though my little human brain can make plans and see the benefits of a completely healed little girl, God often uses those of us that are broken to make the biggest statements and touch the most people.  And though I'm not completely ready to let my dreams of complete healing go, I can accept God's plan for her life. 

If I've learned anything in these last four years, it's been that His plans are greater than mine.

This song sings my heart....

"Even If" -Kutless

Sometimes all we have to hold on to
Is what we know is true of who You are
So when the heartache hits like a hurricane
That could never change who You are
And we trust in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

Lord we know Your ways are not our ways
So we set our faith in who You are
Even though You reign high above us
You tenderly love us
We know Your heart
And we rest in who You are

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

You’re still the Great and Mighty One
We trust You always
You’re working all things for our good
We’ll sing your praise

Even if the healing doesn’t come
And life falls apart
And dreams are still undone
You are God You are good
Forever faithful One
Even if the healing
Even if the healing doesn’t come

You are God and we will bless You
As the Good and Faithful One
You are God and we will bless You
Even if the healing doesn’t come
Even if the healing doesn’t come

And even if the healing doesn't come in this lifetime, it is coming. 

I can rest in that.

I love you, Myra.  More than you will ever know.

But my love is incomparable to HIS.