Wednesday, May 20, 2015

The Countdown Has Begun

I remember making count downs for all my pregnancies. 

My first one I drew little Winnie-the-Poohs on note cards and put them on a metal ring to flip each day.  I used that for a few kids, until it got lost in the shuffle of little kid stuff, and I had to create a new one for my last two kids.  But, every single time I got down to ZERO DAYS, I still had to flip that darn countdown!  I ended up writing "1 day overdue, 2 days overdue, etc" on the back of each of the note cards.  I was late with every child.  6 days, 3 days, 10 days, 14 days and 3 days.  I expected it by #4, but I can tell you...that still didn't make it any easier to flip that countdown!

Well, being 2015, my countdown has been upgraded to a digital version.  Duh.

Well, I just have to say...I don't want to get past the ZERO DAYS mark this time!!  (commence kicking and screaming)  I think it's only fair that I get a break this time around.  That I have the opportunity to 'get my baby' on the day I was originally planning to.  Right?  It seems a reasonable request after waiting extra for the 5 others....

Ok, my pity party is over.

Well, I am still planning to leave on June 4th.  We still have not received our Travel Approval.  I think we need it by early next week to still be able to travel at that time.  And, the Chinese government will have to award us our first request for the Consulate Appointment or the whole trip gets pushed back 3 weeks. 

I've been overdue for FOURTEEN DAYS and it was excruciating. 

I'm not sure I can last 3 weeks without a mental breakdown.

So, PLEASE PRAY we get this Travel Approval SOON!!

Look at me!  I've been packed for over a week now!  It isn't making my wait any easier, though.  I've packed...and repacked...and repacked....and repacked more times than I can count now.  When my girls find me in the office shuffling stuff around they just roll their eyes now and say, "Mom!  You can't possibly fit anything else in there!  Stop messing with it!"  LOL!  They will admit, though, it's fun to shuffle through Frannie and Finn's backpacks and look at their cute, tiny outfits. 

There are days I wish so badly I could take them with me...all my kids.  And Paul, of course.  But, I know in my heart going alone (with my mom) is the best option.  My bio kids need a parent at home.  And my new kids need a parent with undivided attention.  And if I took my girls, Frannie and Finn would think they had 3 mommies, no doubt! 

These attachment techniques we plan to implement, things such as no one comforting them or rocking them on their lap besides mom and dad, will be hard for my kids to follow.  They will have to fight their instinct with every breath.  But, they do understand.  At least understand enough for their little 7, 9, 10 and 12 year old minds.  It will be hard for me to give these toddlers as much attention as they will need between housekeeping, meals and Myra's needs.  I remember bouncing between my little kids often, reading one a story, building blocks with another and nursing another on my lap.  It was easy back then.  I feel like with  my bio kids being older, possibly struggling to respect our bonding time, watching mom and dad drop everything to attach to these kids, they are going to need even more quality time and reassurance than they do now!  Sounds emotionally draining already.

But, we will survive!  I know we were called to this but I also know we cannot do it without God's strength and grace.  

I watched a video of a little girl tonight meet her parents for the first time.  I really cannot watch too many of these videos or I'll just start crying and never stop.  But, she was also Asian and had Down Syndrome and they gave her the same little Asian doll we plan to give Frannie on the day we meet her.  And I lost it.  I have no idea how our kids will react when I meet them, but I still cannot wait to touch her tiny little ears, hold her pudgy little hands, run my fingers through Finn's clear white hair or watch their beautiful Asian eyes as they sleep.  

We are so close.  But two weeks feels like an eternity every day.  

Please continue to pray for our process to go smoothly and for these two kids, who may have no idea we are coming for them.  My world is about to become a whole lot brighter, and their world is about to be shattered.  Adoption is beautiful, but it's also born out of tremendous loss and trauma.  I can't fix my children's past, but we are so, so, SO blessed to be a part of their future!

Financial update:  We received a matching grant from Lifesong today!  And it has already been matched!  We had a family member planning to send us a generous donation, so they were able to send that donation to Lifesong for them to match it!  We are still around $6000 short for all our adoption expenses, $3000 of that is for travel costs.  If you wish to donate to our adoption, you can use the Reece's Rainbow link on the top right corner of our blog! 

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